Nobody could have predicted...

The Onion, January 17, 2001.

My fellow Americans," Bush said, "at long last, we have reached the end of the dark period in American history that will come to be known as the Clinton Era, eight long years characterized by unprecedented economic expansion, a sharp decrease in crime, and sustained peace overseas. The time has come to put all of that behind us."

Bush swore to do "everything in [his] power" to undo the damage wrought by Clinton's two terms in office, including selling off the national parks to developers, going into massive debt to develop expensive and impractical weapons technologies, and passing sweeping budget cuts that drive the mentally ill out of hospitals and onto the street.

During the 40-minute speech, Bush also promised to bring an end to the severe war drought that plagued the nation under Clinton, assuring citizens that the U.S. will engage in at least one Gulf War-level armed conflict in the next four years.

"You better believe we're going to mix it up with somebody at some point during my administration," said Bush, who plans a 250 percent boost in military spending. "Unlike my predecessor, I am fully committed to putting soldiers in battle situations. Otherwise, what is the point of even having a military?"

Fucked up the national parks? Check.

Spent billions on new weapons systems? Check.

Slashed social services? Check.

Gulf war? Check.

250% Military Spending Increase? Check (Only doubled it, if you don't count Iraq/Afghanistan).

Impinged upon a woman's right to choose? Check.

Disenfranchisement of African Americans? Check.

How could they not have predicted how he could have overseen the destruction of a major American city?

How could they not have predicted how he would permit torture of suspects?

How could they not have predicted how he would politicize the Justice Department?

I guess some things even the Onion thinks are a little unbelievable.